Groucho: 1890 - 1977
K: "Let the ruling classes tremble at a communist revolution. The proletarians have nothing to lose but their chains. They have a world to win. Workingmen of all countries, unite!"
G: "Those are my principles, and if you don't like them... well, I have others."
K: "Anyone who knows anything of history knows that great social changes are impossible without feminine upheaval. Social progress can be measured exactly by the social position of the fair sex, the ugly ones included."
G: "Marriage is a wonderful institution, but who wants to live in an institution?"; "Man does not control his own fate. The women in his life do that for him."; "Anyone who says he can see through women is missing a lot."
K: "Experience praises the most happy the one who made the most people happy."
G: "I, not events, have the power to make me happy or unhappy today. I can choose which it shall be. Yesterday is dead, tomorrow hasn't arrived yet. I have just one day, today, and I'm going to be happy in it."
K: "Democracy is the road to socialism."
G: "Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it everywhere, diagnosing it incorrectly and applying the wrong remedies. "
K: "Art is always and everywhere the secret confession, and at the same time the immortal movement of its time."
G: "Well, art is art, isn't it? Still, on the other hand, water is water! And east is east and west is west and if you take cranberries and stew them like applesauce they taste much more like prunes than rhubarb does. Now, uh... now you tell me what you know."
K: "The only antidote to mental suffering is physical pain."
G: "It isn't necessary to have relatives in Kansas City in order to be unhappy."
K: "Workers of the world unite; you have nothing to lose but your chains."
G: "No man goes before his time - unless the boss leaves early."
Secret of Life:
K: "The first requisite for the happiness of the people is the abolition of religion."
G: "The secret of life is honesty and fair dealing. If you can fake that, you've got it made. "
K: "I am not a Marxist."
G: "I've got the brain of a four year old. I'll bet he was glad to be rid of it."; "Quote me as saying I was mis-quoted."